Sep 21, 2008 by Rochelle
So I read a lot of blogs and I am fascinated by “live blogging”. When I saw that TV Squad was doing it for the Emmys, I thought, why not? I love television. I should give it a go. So here goes.
Introduction: Oprah opens the show in a beautiful burnt orange dress. Her boobs look huge. Seeing her I am reminded of Senator Obama and I get a little happier on the inside. There’s no one like Oprah. She goes on about television and then introduces the five hosts. Oh dear, there are five hosts.
7:02 p.m.: Okay, and here they are. The five hosts all from reality TV. Fantastic. Heidi is the shining star on stage. She’s so goddess-like. She’s wearing a men’s suit and it looks hot. So wow, these guys are going on unscripted apparently or maybe that’s the script. Either way, this is dumb. I pray this isn’t how the show turns out or this “live blogging” event won’t be very long and I’ll be in the tub by 9.
7:03 p.m.: Shut up Howie Mandel. Doesn’t he remind you of a guy who could work where you work that you just can’t stand? I hate his cue-ball head. I wish he would just be a bald man and not shave it off.
7:04 p.m.: Oh thank god! Ryan, Howie, and Jeff walked off stage. Leaving Heidi and what’s his butt from Dancing with the Stars. Sounds like Heidi doesn’t like Howie either.
7:06 p.m.: Oh no! There goes that suit I so admired on Heidi. Shatner just ripped it off.
7:07 p.m.: Yay. It’s Amy Poehler and Tina Fey for the first award. Love them. I forgot that Amy is super preggers. They do a semi funny bit, but it’s just a bit painful. The category is Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series: Jon Cryer (Two and Half Men), Kevin Dillon (Entourage), NPH! (How I Met Your Mother, please win!), Jeremy Piven (Entourage, booo), Rainn Wilson (The Office). And the winner is: Jeremy Fucking Piven, again. Third consecutive win for this tool. I am so sick of him winning this award. What lame thing is he going to say. OMG, really? The Entourage people make him feel like he’s doing a play each week. Although he did just make fun of the introduction, he scored two points in book. Too bad he’s still at -53.
First commercial break. Thank god. It looks like Josh Grobin is going to perform 30 of the greatest theme songs. Really? This douche is everywhere performing anything. New low for Josh Grobin, who by the way reminds me of this woman I know. Or should I say women I know. They are twins.
7:14 p.m.: We’re back and they have a Seinfeld booth set. Not too impressed. Apparently this is the theme of the night. They are going to show familiar things of television past, when television was apparently awesome.
7:15 p.m.: Awesome, they are showing the Seinfeld clips from “The Contest”. I love that episode. It’s got everything I love. Masturbation, gambling, and Jon Jon.
7:16 p.m.: And here is Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Cute. She’s doing the Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series Category. The nominees are: Kristen Chenoweth (Pushing Daises), Amy Poehler (SNL), Jean Smart (Samantha Who?), Holland Tayler (Two and a Half Men), Vanessa Williams (Ugly Betty). And the emmy goes to Jean Smart (Samantha Who?). Sounds good to me. She’s funny. She is honoring Christina Applegate who has recently come out about her breast cancer diagnosis. I love CA, so it’s wonderful to see her. I should watch that show. Reminder, set the DVR. Oops, Jean is getting the get off the stage music. Time to go Jean.
Second commercial break.
7:25 p.m.: Heidi is back out ina rather frumpy champaign colored gown. She towers over her co-host Jeff Probst (who I’m going to call dimples for the rest of the night). Apparently it’s the year of the woman again. Remember that year about ten years ago. They are talking about great female casts of the past. I think Dimples just got a boner when Heidi kissed him.
7:26 p.m.: Ahh, so the point of that was to show Desperate Housewives. I forgot that show was even on. I hate those ladies. They are announcing the nominees and winner of Best Support Actor in a Dramatic Series. The nominees are: Ted Danson (Damages), Michael Emerson (Lost, so deserves it!), Zeljko Ivanek (Damages), Shatner (Boston Legal), John Slattery (Mad Men). Emerson so deserves this! And the Emmy goes to: Zeljko Ivanek. Yawn. Let’s hear his words of wisdom. Short and to the point. I like it.
7:29 p.m.: Ricky Gervais now comes on stage. Hooray! Oh wait, I forgot he’s plugging a movie which only looks so-so. He’s still hilarious as ever though. Man this guy makes me laugh. Oh, they just showed Mariska Hargitay and her husband Peter Hermann. I love them. She looks stunning as always at these events. Go on Ricky…he’s giving tips for acceptance speeches. We now get to see home classic Emmy acceptance speeches. Montage #1 has aired.
Montage ends with Ricky Gervais winning last year. He wasn’t at the Emmys so Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert gave it to Steve Carrell, and they do a big group hug. 32 minutes in and I just have my first laugh out loud moment to something that happened last year. Gervais says “look at his stupid face.” They show Carrell looking sad in the audience. Gervais goes on to pick on Carrell. “I made you what you are and I get nothing back.” Carrell sits there without reacting. So great. He is now requesting his Emmy. He threatens to tickle him to get it. Carrell just stares on. “Give me the Emmy.” Carrell finally pulls it out from underneath his seat. “Good, that’s settled.” What a fine moment. Sadly, I have a feeling that might have been the high point of the evening.
7:35 p.m.: Nominees of Outstanding Directing of Variety, Musical, or Comedy Program. Louis Horvitz (Academy Awards), Jim Hoskinson (Colbert Report), Lonny Price (Company. Never heard of it.) Chuck O’Neil (Daily Show), Don Roy King (SNL). And the Emmy goes to: Louis Horvitz (Academy Awards). Apparently he is directing the Emmys as well. Stupid. At least he went fast.
Third commercial break. Man they are pimping the Grobin performance.
7:40: We’re back with the Simpsons. God Homer reminds me of my dad. They show a clip of Bart going on the Conan O’Brien show. And then show a Simpson-ey like set. Conan is the presenter (since he was a writer on the Simpsons). Love me some Conan. Category is Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series. Candice Bergen (Boston Legal), Rachel Griffiths (Brother and Sisters), Sandra Oh (Grey’s Anatomy), Dianne Wiest (In Treatment), Chandra Wilson (Grey’s Anatomy). So I pause to say that I don’t watch any of these shows, but I like all those actresses. I’m personally hoping it goes to Dianne Wiest because I’ve always enjoyed her work. Let’s see who wins. Woo-hoo, she won!!! But she can’t be there, so Conan takes the award and says he’ll give it to Steve Carrell.
7:43: Next up we get a little J. Love Hewitt and Hayden Panettiere. Wonder what this is going to be all about. Wondering how much J. Love cleavage we’re going to get to see, while also wondering if Hayden (the activist) will speak out on one of her issues. So not so much on the cleavage. In fact Hayden’s got it going on and she has stuck to script. Category is Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music, or Comedy Program (woot! The Daily Show music already starts). I love this category because they writing team always submits their own video, and these tend to be hilarious. First up, The Colbert Report. Ha ha, their video is the writers sitting around a Christmas set drinking cocoa and wearing scarves while looking silly into the camera like a John Denver special. They lift their mugs and then Stephen Colbert comes out in his underwear with a shotgun. The Daily Show, where they are just showing silly delegates from the conventions. That’s great! Jon Stewart is shown as a guy at Invesco Field waving a huge American Flag. Fantastic! Conan O’Brien. They are showing ethnically diverse children in on photograph, and then Conan O’Brien sitting amongst them with Angelina Jolie. That was unexpected. How funny! David Letterman. As the writers are announced they have Dr. Phil sitting there listing off a label for each one, like “enabler,” “codependent”, “delusional,” “loser”. Not bad for my least favorite of the bunch. SNL, little Wii like characters doing sports. Lamest of the bunch. Woo-hoo, The Colbert Report wins! I am so happy!
7:47: Colbert accepts the award. “Oh Hollywood, all is forgiven.” He goes on to thank people a bunch of people. Aww, it’s quite serious and good. Love Colbert.
7:48: Dimples and Cue-ball are back. Can’t wait to not laugh at what they are about to do. Oh god, they are bringing out the accounts. They sarcastically mock this as the most exciting part of the night.
7:50: Next up Steve Martin. I’ve paused to write a little bit about Steve. Since I was a little girl I loved Steve Martin. I thought he was so funny and The Jerk was one of my favorite movies. Something has happened in the past few years. I’ve learned about the serious side of Steve Martin. I’ve read some of his novellas and learned about his appreciation for art. Well then I saw Shop Girl. And even though I had read that book and enjoyed, I hated that movie because I hated seeing Steve Martin in a role like that. I was completely grossed out and it was painful to watch. Thankfully, Jason Schwartzman made it bearable and I got through it. Ever since then, he’s off my list. Oh my, the Smothers Brothers are still alive. Apparently Steve wrote on that show. He goes on about the Smothers Brothers and in particular Tommy Smothers. Maybe he has died? Oh, so apparently here’s the deal. Somehow Tommy Smothers was controversial somehow, so he didn’t put his name on the nominee list when they won. So they are going to give him an award now. And here he is, alive and kicking to accept the award. Looking good Tommy. Forty-one years later. I have a feeling he’s going to go off politically. He thanks a bunch of writers. I’m going to need to understand what the controversy was. He’s talking about freedom of expression and freedom of speech. All right, here we go on the politics. “Nothing more scary than watching ignorance in action.” Tommy does it tasteful and wraps it up. Oh wait, he goes back to talk about truth. “Truth is what you get other people to believe.” And now he’s done.
Edited to add: here’s the bit on the Smothers Brothers…
The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, became one of the most influential and controversial American TV programs of the Vietnam War era. Despite popular success, the brothers’ penchant for material that was critical of the political mainstream (and sympathetic to the emerging counterculture) led to their program’s cancellation by the CBS network in 1969.
Fourth commercial break, more Grobin pimping.
8:00: Shorty (Seacrest) and Heidi introduce Grobin. GROBIN, your moment has come. Really? He starts off with the Simpsons, goes into Friends, Happy Days, Golden girls (!), Mister Rodgers, Andy Griffith (even with whistling), Love Boat (Mike is happy somewhere), Law and Order (with no singing), Adams Family snapping. Muppet Show with Animal, X-Files Animal gets lifted into the air, South Park (does the impressions well), The Jefferson, Baywatch (really?), Brady Bunch, Cops (lol), More Law and Order again, The Fresh Prince (NICE!) SNL, David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, Here’s Johnny, Two and a Half Men, Rawhide, Giligan’s Island, Mash, The Carol Burnett Show, Cheers. Fin.
Don’t know what to say about that. It was fun, but kind of stupid. Poor Grobin.
8:06: Alec Baldwin, Alec Baldwin! Category is Best Actress in a Mini-Series or TV Movie. Nominees are: Judi Dench (Cranford Masterpiece), Catherine Keener (American Crime), Laura Linney (John Adams…oh, I still need to rent that), Phylicia Rashad (Raisin in the Sun), Susan Sarandon (Bernard and Doris). And the Emmy goes to: Laura Linney for John Adams. Still need to rent that. Where are my netflix movies. I am so bad at Netflix. Laura Linney is wearing a cocktail length gown that is skin colored. Not so nice. She’ll probably be on the worst-lists. She gives a shout out to community organizers. I love hollywood.
Fifth commercial break. Apparently Lauren Conrod is going to be on. Really? New Emmy Low.
8:12: Ballroom is back out and already dancing a bit. We get it. You host a dancing show. By the way, whenever I see dancing I now think of this:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGpXtIFjlcc]
He’s so adorable.
We get a Laugh In moment. Sock it to me. A lot of actors saying “Sock it to me” the way Nixon did on Laugh In. They pull out the Laugh In wall and hey poke their heads out. Love Lily Tomlin still. She hasn’t changed a bit. They are talking about Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, but I don’t get why. Must be doing best variety, music, or comedy program category. Yep that’s what it is. The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, David Letterman, Real Time with Bill Maher, SNL. The Emmy goes to The Daily Show!!! Fantastic.
8:17: Jon Stewart accepts the award. Jon gives the shout out to Colbert. He gives heart felt thanks and then looks forward to the next administration whoever it is.
8:18: Heidi is back with a Project Runway bit. The Emmy models who accompany the winners off stage are wearing gowns designed by Laura Conrad and Christian Sariano. OMG, Christian could out design Lauren every day of the week. She shouldn’t be so dumb and put her bland boring designs next to his. Wow, Lauren gets to give out an award with Angel, I mean David Boreanaz. They are here to recap some awards that already took place.
Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series:
-Four out of the five actors were on 30 Rock. Hee. The other was the guy who plays Larry David’s dad on Curb. All great in my opinion, but hoping for Will Arnett.
Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series:
-Three from 30 Rock, two from Desperate Housewives, and Sarah Silverman from Monk. I’m hoping for Sarah Silverman.
Boo… It was Tim Conway on 30 Rock, and Catherine Houston for Desperate Housewives.
8:20: Catherine Houston gets to present the next award. Oh, I like her, she’s funny. The category is Outstanding Director for a Comedy Series. The Emmy goes to Barry Sonnenfeld who did the Pushing Daisies “Pie-Lette”.
8:22: Oh my gosh, Angel and Lauren are still on. The category is Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series. For some reason they are showing the nominees on iPhones. Flight of the Concord – Yodeler, The Office – Dinner Party, Pushing Daisies – Pie-Lette, 30 Rock – Rosemary’s Baby, 30 Rock – Cooter (Tina Fey, please win!). The Emmy goes to Tina Fey!! Hooray. That was so a hilarious episode of 30 Rock. She gives a delightful acceptance speech.
Sixth commercial break. Is this over yet? What have I gotten myself into?
8:30: Ballroom is back and he’s giving us a little “West Wing” action. Thank you Ballroom! President Bartlett!! Time to re-watch the West Wing. And now we get the Oval Office set with Martin Sheen. He speaks about how everyone won Emmys for the West Wing except for him, oh dear! And now he speaks about the conventions! He is asking for everyone to go vote. You can just see that Obama wants to roll off his tongue but he resists. Sheen has just introduced the head Emmy dude. Mind if I fast forward? I think not.
8:34: Oh la la, Christian Slater and Christina Applegate come out. Now I’ve already given Christina some love, so I’ll focus on Christain. I am so excited for his new show. The 15 year old in me that rented “Kuffs” every other weekend and saw “Untamed Heart” opening night is reeling. Why did I stop loving him? Oh. That’s right, because he’s sleazy. Christina looks beautiful. They have a playful banter. The category is Outstanding Made for Television Movie. The nominees are: Bernard and Doris, Extras, The Memory Keepers’ Daughter, A Raisin in the Sun, Recount. Recount wins! I need to check that out. But only if Obama wins. Otherwise I might kill myself.
Seventh commercial break.
8:41: Opens with Dragnet introduction. Remember the movie Dragnet? I loved that. And here is the dragnet set. Oh dear, Dimples is trying to act. William Peterson and lawrence fishburne from CSI come out. They drop Jerry Orbach’s name. Awww, I miss Jerry. The category is Outstanding Support Actor in a mini-series or movie. The nominees are: Bob Balaban (Recount), Stephen Dillane (John Adams), Denis Leary (Recount), David Morse (John Adams), Tom Wilkinson (John Adams). Tom Wilkinson wins. I adore him. I think he is a fantastic actor. He isn’t there so they accept the award on his behalf.
8:43: Ballroom and Shorty are back. Ballroom says “The two funniest men on television.” And Shorty says “Hannity and Colmes”. Ouch, this broadcast has that great liberal biased you don’t get anywhere else. But really, it’s Stewart and Colbert! They say they are not going to talk about politics, but Colbert pulls out a bag of prunes. A total dig at McCain. He says right now America needs a prune. Stewart, after eight years of prunes, you would think? Colbert, never enough. What could go wrong? The category is directing for a mini-series or movie. The Emmy goes to Jay Roach for Recount. Normally I would FF this but I have a feeling we might get a little off script with this one. He encourages people to vote and to keep your local election officials honest. Next category is writing for a mini-series. The Emmy goes to Kirk Ellis for John Adams.
Eight commercial break.
8:52: Cue-ball is on screen, blah blah blah. We get a Mash clip and sent and then Sandra Oh and Patrick Dempsey (yum). I think I’m more delighted about Sandra Oh. She is wearing the most beautiful dress of the evening in my opinion. The category is Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or movie. The Emmy goes to Eileen Atkins Cranford (Masterpiece).
8:55: Out through the Mash set comes Kathi Griffin and Don Rickles. Quite a combination. She looks monstrous. Her hair is horrible, her dress is horrible, she is yelling. She makes my ears bleed. She demands they get up for “Rickles”. He’s funny. Let’s get on with it. Another McCain/Palin dig written into the script.
8:57: They are still going on. With no word yet about what they are doing on stage. Okay, Outstanding Reality Program. The nominees are The Amazing Race, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Project Runway, Top Chef. Go Project Runway!!! The Emmy goes to The Amazing Race. Again. Sixth consecutive win for them. Unbelievable.
9:00: Sally Field comes out. If Brian were here he would tell me about how he fixed her armrest on a plane once. The category is Outstanding Mini-Series or Movie. The nominees are The Adromeda Strain, Cranford, John Adams, Tin Man. Strangely I only watched Tin Man. John Adams wins. My mom and Michael are delighted I’m sure. That’s all they talk about. Oh, they let Tom Hanks accept the award. He says “The election between John Adams and Jefferson was filled with innuendo, partisan press, and bitterness. I’m glad we’ve come so far”.
Ninth commercial break.
9:07: Ballroom and Heidi are back. NPH and Kristin Chenoweth come out. NPH! Just when I thought I couldn’t love him anymore he knocks Cue-ball. The category is Outstanding Individual Performance in a Variety, Music or Comedy program. Stephen Colbert, Tina Fey (SNL host), David Letterman, Don Rickles, Jon Stewart (Academy Awards). Don Rickles wins for Mr. Warmth the Don Rickles Project.
9:11: Kate Walsh and Wayne Brady come out to do some more recapping.
Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series
-Glynn Turmnan for In Treatment wins.
Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series
-Cynthia Nixon for Law and Order, SVU win. She completely deserved it. I saw all the performances that were nominated and hers was fantastic.
And now they are both on stage. Cynthia Nixon looks amazing in a grecian pale green gown. The category is Outstanding Directing in a Dramatic Series. The nominees are: Boston Legal, Breaking Bad, Damages, House, Mad Men. The Emmy goes to Greg Yaitanes for House (Inside House’s Head). He’s kind of hot.
9:15: Kate and Wayne are back. Emmy for Outstanding Writing for Drama Series. Battlestar Galactica, Damages, Mad Men, Mad Men, The Wire. The Emmy goes to Matthew Weiner Mad Men (Smoke Gets in Your Eyes).
Tenth commercial break. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
9:22: Glen Close comes on stage. The category is Outstanding lead actor in a mini-series or movie. The nominees are Ralph Fiennes, Bernard and Doris. Ricky Gervais, Extras. Paul Giamatti, John Adams. Kevin Spacey, Recount. Tom Wilkinson, Recount. The Emmy goes to Paul Giamatti for John Adams. Still need to see it. Must add it to the queue. He continues to sound as if he is mocking himself. “I’m living proof to kids at home that anybody can play the president!”.
9:24: Candice Bergman in a delightful pant suit. Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. Nominees are Alec Baldwin (30 Rock, please win!), Steve Carrell (The Office), Lee Pace (Pushing Daisies), Tony Shalhoub (Monk), Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men). I pause to say that I think Alec Baldwin really deserves this award. This past season of 30 Rock was amazing because of him. The Emmy goes to Alec Baldwin!!!! How fantastic. He gives and heartfelt speech and thanks Tina Fey the most. It is great.
9:26: Vanessa Williams and America Ferrera comes on stage. They have a technical difficulty and we can’t hear them. The category is Lead Actress in a Dramatic Series. The nominees are Glen Close (Damages), Sally Field (Brothers and Sisters), Mariska Hargitay (SVU, please win!), Holly Hunter (Saving Grace), Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer). Mariska deserves to win again. In one episode this year she went undercover into prison. That episode was so intense. We had to see someone who is usually so strong on screen get nearly sexually assaulted. Shucks, Glen Close wins.
9:28. Time for the dead people montage. I’ll highlight the biggies. George Carlin. Charlton Heston. Joey Bishop. Deborah Kerr. Estelle Getty (sad). Sydney Pollack (very sad). Bernie Mac (even sadder). Suzanne Pleshette. Harvey Korman. Tim Russert (oh my gosh, the saddest). Isaac Hayes.
Eleventh commercial break.
9:37: Keifer!! Still loving him. Best Actor in a Drama Series. Nominees are Gabriel Byrne (In Treatment), Bryan Crantson (Breaking Bad), Michael C. Hall (Dexter), John Hamm (Mad Men), Hugh Laurie (House). James Spader (Boston Legal). I don’t watch these shows but I’m going to hope for Hugh Laurie again. I love his accent and he used to work with James. But instead Bryan Cranston wins for Breaking Bad. Never heard of the show, but I like the actor.
9:39: Brooke Shields and Craig Ferguson come on stage. Her dress is a spectacular plum sweetheart cut sleeveless gown. Craig tells her that he used to watch her in all her sexy movies and now as a professional woman on Lipstick Jungle and that he respects her. She sighs and says “is that your hand on my ass?” And he says “yeah, and it’s respecting you.” Best script of the night! Best Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. The nominees are Christina Applegate (Samantha Who?), America Ferrera (Ugly Betty), Tina Fey (30 Rock, please win!), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Christine), Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds). The Emmy goes to Tina Fey!!! Hooray! She gives another great speech. Thanks her parents for giving her confidence that doesn’t match her looks or abilities. Fantastic.
9:42: Jimmy Kimmel comes out. I kind of hate him ever since the Man Show. It’s Reality Show Host award time, so Ballroom, Cue-ball, Dimples, Shorty, and Heidi come back on stage. It’s a funny bit. He talks to them in American Idol and reality show speak. Go Heidi! Her dress is incredible. The Emmy goes to….we’ll learn after the twelfth commercial break.
9:46: And the Emmy goes to… They continue their suspense. The Emmy goes to Dimples. He’s a hottie. Not gonna lie, I had a crush on him during the first season of Survivor. Gives a nice heartfelt speech and admits that Reality is shit upon, understands that, and happy to be included. I suddenly had an insane fear that one day Ali would win this award for Biggest Loser. Doesn’t seem likely, but I would be worried if she did. Maybe it would inspire her to quit DOOL.
9:50: Are we there yet? Okay, Mary Tyler Moore clips and set. Mary Tyler Moore comes out and is way too skinny. She really just shouldn’t be wearing a sleeveless dress. She brings out Betty White. Outstanding Comedy Series. The nominees are Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage, The Office, 30 Rock, Two and a Half Men. This is a tough one. I’m hoping for Curb, The Office, or 30 Rock. The Emmy goes to 30 Rock! Well deserved. It was a great season. Tina Fey goes up to Mary and Betty and does the “I’m not worthy” motion. She gives another great speech. She says “we’re all glad to have jobs in this turkey-burger economy”. She plugs the show.
9:55: And they bring out Tom Selleck. Odd. Not what I was expecting. Outstanding Dramatic Series (and the final award!). Boston Legal, Damages, Dexter, House, Lost, Mad Men. Go Lost!!!! The Emmy goes to Mad Men. Never watch it. Congratulations I guess.
10:00: Dimples concludes the show.
So that’s about it. I can’t believe I decided to do this. How incredibly stupid of me. I gave my fingers a work out. Live blogging is the worst. But I have a feeling I might be live blogging again during the debates. We shall see! If you made it this far, then you are dumber than me for watching the entire Emmy awards.
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